It does not matter from which part of the world you’re from, it’s true that no one can love you more than your parents. Whether you’re the only child or have grown up with your siblings, a parents’ love is unmatched. Now, while your parents love you the most, it can also tend to backfire sometimes. If you’ve experienced it before or have no idea about it, either way, I will take you through some of my friends’ lives that have shifted towards becoming disastrous because of their parents.
I want the control
One of the biggest drawbacks that I find about the parents, is their eagerness to control their children even after they get employed. Whether partying at their friend’s house or going on a 2-day trip with colleagues, parents like to know everything and have complete control over their children all the time.
On the flip side, if you ask a parent, they’re confident enough to say that they’re worried about their children and their decision making ability, and hence, they want to keep a tab on them and control them. Well, I agree. It is certainly true to some extent, as elders would have seen varied situations in their life and that experience can actually help you. But when that “control” gets extreme, that’s when the problem occurs.
I know a friend who wanted to love a girl of his choice and get married. However, his parents were strict in this matter and told him that he should marry a girl of their choice. My friend agreed to it and started to look for a girl; and at that time, he was about 28 years. Every time he liked a girl, his parents somewhat disliked. For some or the other reason, his parents rejected the girl because of the girl herself, or because of her family, or because of reasons best known to them. Today, my friend turns 36 and honestly, he’s done with this. In a recent conversation, my friend made it clear that he will NOT listen to them anymore and he’d search himself. His parents, now tired and aged, agreed. But my question is, what’s the point of agreeing now and let lose? BTW, for records, my friend will turn 37 in a few months and he’s still searching for “any” girl; forget the cast, creed, religion, colour, education and background. He’s tired and filled with lack of confidence, and getting married is now “for the sake of it.”.
In another incident, one of my friend wanted to go to U.S to pursue his Master’s. However, his parents discouraged him from going out of India, citing reasons such as bad weather, lack of vegetarian food, and losing out on “family relationships” back home. What they actually meant was, they did not want his son to go away from them and wanted him to be with them when they turn old, as it’s a “son’s duty” to take care of his parents. Stuck between “taking care of parents” and “his education and dream job in U.S”, my friend bowed got emotional and decided to stay back. Today, after about 7 years, he works for a MNC and earns a “just enough” salary. Today, his parents and his wife (he got married too) are upset looking at his earnings as they do not find that exponential growth Y-O-Y when compared to their friends’ son’s and daughter’s working in the U.S. Today, neither is my friend happy nor is his parents. Now comes the interesting part – His parents are now O.K. for him to go anywhere he wants and make money. But my friend does not want to go now. Where is his life heading to? The answer is, NOWHERE.
The above 2 examples are not to go against parents or their decisions. In fact, a lot has already been said about their unmatched love and care towards their children. However, children may feel “locked up” in their love, which can cut-short 2 of the most important aspects of their life – passion and dream.
Balancing is an art
Here’s my humble thought – As a parent, give your opinion and suggest what’s right and what’s not. Let your children take the final decision, especially if they have crossed 22 or 23 years of age. Do not interfere in everything and especially with their job and marriage. Leave it to them. If they make a mistake, guide them until they understand it. As such, no one can give you a “guarantee” for anything. How sure are you that the girl you choose for your son, would be the right fit? How sure are you that if your son eats home-cooked food everyday, he would never fall sick? How sure are you that if your son stays with you, he’ll take care of you at your old age? The odds are always on either side and there’s no guarantee for anything. So, adopting the ‘Live and Let Live’ policy would work wonders for both, because both you and your children are now living a life that you want – No control, no advice. There’s nothing more than freedom and that’s what I am talking about.
Not to forget, as this is a subjective and sensitive topic, my apologies to any parent or individual who disagrees with my post. But this is what I believe and would continue to do so, until I see a change in the parents around me.